"The elephant in the room."

Sorry for the delay in getting this posted, and unfortunately, no pictures today.  

While we were out of town, I'd been noticing that men with our group (particularly those who didn't know me) were holding the door for me (or both of us) on occasion.   I'm not sure if my wife noticed, but she didn't say anything.  And women were more friendly than usual...   That's become more frequent, so I didn't give it much thought!

Little did I know what was brewing.

One evening, about 40 folks (mostly couples) were sitting around on the motel patio after dinner, talking.  Since there were folks present who were not known to everyone, it was decided that we'd all introduce ourselves.   Our turn came and I introduced us (including my wife, by both name and her wifely status. )  So far, so good, no issue. 

After I finished and we sat back down, I noticed several folks glancing my way.   For the record, at the get-together I was wearing fisherman sandals with women's shorts, a men's logo touring shirt, and Mom's necklace, with my purse.   Anyone looking at me could plainly see my hairless legs and arms, long hair and long, shiny fingernails (my sandals mostly covered my pink toe nails), and arched eyebrows...no makeup, though.

When the get-together concluded, one of the ladies who had spoken with us both several times in the preceding days came over as we were getting ready to leave, and put one arm around each of us.  I wasn't sure what was going on, and I'm guessing neither was my wife...though she refused to talk about the event afterward.  The woman guided us away from other attendees, and said something to me (us) in a low voice, to the effect of "You can tell me to go away if you want, once you hear what I have to ask, but a few of us, myself included, would like to know how you prefer to be addressed - as a boy or girl??  We've noticed your feminine name on your name tag, your outfits, necklace, hairstyle, and that pretty necklace,  and we want to make sure we address you properly." 

That hit like an earthquake of 9.9 on the Richter scale, and was good for a flashback to the trans lady at the antique show last fall.  The big difference this time was that my wife was with me - it was bound to happen eventually.  After thinking about it for a split-second, I quickly realized I had to reply, and there was no way my wife could - or would - say anything to her.  The floor was mine, and mine alone. 

Now, I'm not prepared (either emotionally or financially) to transition and deal with its many oft-dire consequences at this ripe old age (65+).   So, I knew how to respond.  "Oh, that name issue again...it's not the first time, you know.   Actually, you'd have no way to know, but it was my father's and grandfather's name...and women have sort of stolen it over the last 30 years.   As for my outfits, I wear whatever's comfortable for me, regardless of it's "gender" or the label inside.  Feel free to tell anyone who needs to know that I'll respond to Mr., as well as Ms., Miss or Ma'am.  However, male pronouns are the correct ones."   She seemed satisfied with that, and thanked us for our kindness and understanding.  We all hugged, and everyone went their own way. 

Needless to say, there was an "elephant in the hotel room" that night - this issue.  My wife wouldn't talk about the issue, even when I inquired  "You don't want my comments" was all I heard.   And then she changed the subject.   Come morning, the topic had evaporated because of our activities.   It simply never came up again, even on the ride home.  (Or even afterward.)

The next day, when I ran into the nosy lady I asked if she had been able to "set any of the other wonderers" straight about my gender.  Much to my surprise, she said there were only three who were wondering, herself and two other ladies, but they had left the event while we were talking and she hadn't run into them again.  (Attendees were staying in two hotels...)   So, I guess it really wasn't that big of a deal for anyone.   Well,  except perhaps for my wife.

For the rest of our stay, men occasionally held the door, and women were friendly with me (and my wife when we were together.)  In the elevator next morning (fortunately I was alone) a woman from the group put her pretty hand right next to mine and gave me compliments on my fingernails!  Her nails were pink-and-white acrylics, and she thought they'd also look good on me.  I agreed...and confided that I used to wear them that way.  We reached the ground floor and the door opened, ending that discussion. :-(

None of the folks apparently asked the right person (our nosy lady friend) about me/us.   And, even though our "new acquaintance" approached the issue to me directly, in a non-offensive, appropriate manner, the end result fell a bit flat, particularly with her admission of how few women were involved.  I guess the rest of the folks were accepting me as female???

In the future, I'll take anything she says "with a grain of salt."

Happy Friday!

Mandy