How this all came to pass was a bit un-conventional. My wife and I were sitting and talking, while the telly was on in the background, tuned to QVC. These Clarks sandals were being shown, and as I glanced up, they looked fabulous on the female models wearing them.
While it had nothing to do with the topic we were discussing, I commented that QVC had my size, the sandals looked really good, and they might be comfortable enough to wear all day. "With all the detailing on them, they're women's, and definitely feminine. But then, so are your capris. If you spend that much money for a pair of women's sandals that fit you, there's absolutely no reason whatsoever as to why you shouldn't wear them every day, with cute capri outfits. At least till fall, you won't need your stirrups, ballerinas or pantyhose."
My take on it is that she really wasn't in favor of me ordering them. But no new ground was broken with her "ground rules." I'd still be wearing clothes I already own - ones she knows that I wear, and that I'm very comfortable wearing. Almost sounds like a home-brewed version of "if he HAS to do something, he won't like it and this issue will go away..." But how good are the odds that it will work that way?
I did some research, and found a coupon for 20% off from another vendor, with free shipping - I hate to pay full price. Needless to say, I ordered them. When they arrived, I found they were as comfortable as they looked on the telly. Adjustable straps made for a perfect fit. I wore them around the house (with my capris) the rest of the day - no issues and no comments whatsoever.
The next morning, I put them on again - with capris - and told my wife they still felt fabulous, so I was keeping them. Her comment: "I've kept quiet, so you could make an unbiased decision. They're clearly feminine but they do look nice on you, so keep them. But from here on, hold up your end of the deal. Your outfits will be sandals, capris, and blouses or tops. Occasionally, you've been wearing makeup. Now, it's always necessary, whenever we leave the house together. Once summer actually arrives, experiment with shorts and tank tops - girls wear them a lot in the heat. And, you'll end up with a nice tan on your arms, shoulders and legs."
"There will be a few occasions when I want you in stirrups, pantyhose and ballerinas, with no makeup. I'll always tell you - trust me, I won't forget. And that's always my call, not yours. If we're going somewhere together, and I don't say otherwise, just wear a cute capri outfit and paint up your face like I know you can. No bargaining, no excuses. Twice a week for our errands, I'll wear my capris, too. Then when we're addressed as "ladies" by a clerk, as so often happens, both of us will 'look the part'. Come cold weather, you're going to love capris so much that you'll hate to put them away for the winter!"
Truth of the matter is: that's already an accurate statement.
At this point, my plan is to concentrate on keeping my legs silky smooth, and probably get more frequent pedicures. I sure won't be able to hide my toe nails in flats any more - or my legs below the hem of whatever I'm wearing.
Segue ahead: almost a week has passed since I began wearing sandals and capris every day. It's really a complete non-issue: both are incredibly comfortable. One of the female residents at the nursing home already told me that she liked my capri outfits with silver toe nails! "But honey, you need to tell your nail girl to do them in a brighter silver, so they show up better." One of the staffers suggested that I start wearing bright red toe nail polish... "That way your legs and feet will look their prettiest and most feminine, every day..." I really love getting sincere positive reinforcement from other females...especially the ones who see me daily. Just not sure about the red polish...
News flash...we just recently found out that our son is flying home for vacation, and bringing his girlfriend with him to meet us - for the first time, no less - starting the end of the week. So this will may be my last post until after they leave. Stay tuned...
It seems to me like you and your wife have made amazing progress and that she has now come to accept, if not fully appreciate, the fact that you are a CD and that you present more as a woman than as a man. With your long hair, well manicured fingers and toes it seems that she has now become more accepting of the fact that when you are out and about it is better if you are perceived as a woman with your nails, hair, capris, ladies sandals, and now makeup. If you are to both be addressed as ladies she wants you to be seen as a normal lady but she also wants to be able to tell you when to tone it down and present a more manly package.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations.
How will you present when your son visits?
Pat
Thanks!
DeleteYes, I agree! At first glance, it appears we've made major progress, resulting in my wife's acceptance of a more woman-like everyday appearance for me.
However (and isn't there always a qualifier in these situations?), improvements have happened before - many times. In the past, apparent successes have always reverted to "basic toleration" of androgyny, nothing more. Most recently, in late summer of 2012, I thought I was going to end up in dresses. Then came the massive reversal, which happened in the winter of 2012/spring of 2013..
Long ago, I learned not to count chickens till the eggs all hatch. But I agree with your theory that if we are to "both be addressed as ladies she wants you to be seen as a normal lady but she also wants to be able to tell you when to tone it down..." She used to get very embarrassed every time I was mistaken for a woman. If I always dress and look like her girlfriend, that may ease some of the tension. But, what will happen the first time she's asked where her husband is by someone who knows us? That could be a major embarrassment for her, unless I look really good (hence wearing makeup?) and she thinks verrryyyyy quickly! BTW, nothing has been said yet about my wearing lots of jewelry. Could my new womanly style eventually convince her to take me somewhere to have my ears pierced? That's a bit much to hope for - but if it ever happens, I'll ask for 3 holes in each ear - boys typically have only one. Get the pain all over with at once, and if I only keep one or two in each ear, I can let the others close up.
I don't think I look particularly manly in stirrups, pantyhose and ballerina flats, but that would be a less feminine outfit than capris, tops and womens' sandals, with painted toe and and finger nails. I'm certainly hoping this time things will work out differently, but we'll see!
As for my attire when the kids get here...unless I get other instructions, I'll wear shorts and tops, with my sandals. Other women have been out and about in shorts already, so that shouldn't be a problem. And my wife is apparently OK with my wearing them. His girlfriend doesn't know me at all, so why risk "stampeding the horses" this early in the game? I don't know how much kiddo has told her, other than that I have long hair, nails and carry a purse...
Keep your fingers crossed...
Mandy
I think either combination is rather feminine. THe sandals with shorts or capris with your pedi is clearly feminine but stirrups (which while somewhat dated are clearly feminine garments) with ballet flats and pantyhose showing cannot be mistaken as not being woman's wear.
ReplyDeleteI wear pantyhose under my slacks regularly. On weekends when I am out with my wife I often go without socks over my hose. She sometimes notices but I do not know if others notice.
I think that the fact that your wife wants you in makeup to present more as a woman is a major step. I suspect that after a fashion if she gets used to you being perceived as a woman in your capris, sandals and ladies tops that once the cooler weather comes she will be at ease with you in pantyhose and perhaps a dress or skirt.
I understand the concept of one step forward/two steps back when it comes to spousal acceptance but I think that you have do wonders.
Pat
Yes, either outfit is clearly feminine. But both are fine with me...I like them equally. And makeup is a big plus....that goes without saying. I wonder when (or even if) she will be ready to get my ears pierced? If that becomes an option at some point, it wouldn't bother me at all...bring on the piercing gun!
DeleteI think that overall, the idea that "others will see and socialize with her husband as a woman" is requiring a lot of adjusting on her part, perhaps too much for all at once. Thus, all the ebb and flow. So, it may take another loop (or two, or three, or four) on this repetitive roller coaster, for it to actually come to pass!
In the meantime (and this will appear in a future post...once the kids head home) Thursday I stopped to speak about a few pending matters with the manager in charge at Mom's nursing home. She knows me as male, but whenever possible, avoids using pronouns, or "Mr." So far, never "Ms". or "Ma'am."
Part of our discussion involved Mom's "apparently-lost-in-the-laundry clothing." Since they were already planning to let me replace the lost items "on their nickel" if they aren't found in the next couple weeks, I asked for her sizing assistance (and I really went out on a limb here) "since I'm not familiar with small or medium sizes like Mom wears, only the larger women's sizes like these (sweeping my arm past my clothes.) My outfit today clearly wouldn't fit her."
She didn't miss a beat with this revelation. Obviously she (and the rest of the staff) already have my clothing preference figured out! She said she'd try to come up with Mom's current size, but that she likes my comfortable-looking capri outfit. "So, you must have learned the intricacies of women's sizing pretty well." Hopefully it's one more little step, leading the trek out of my closet...
Yes, I've indeed come a long way, but there is still a long way to go!
Mandy